My dearest Chipotle,
Though it pains me to say, it has come to my attention that you are incapable of serving sour cream as a topping o'er your delicious “Mexican” cuisine.
No matter how well I articulate my lunch order, asking for “just a little bit,” “tiny bit” or “barely a drop” of sour cream on my tacos, you ignore my request and choose to aggressively smoother my food in an entire ladle full of the stuff.
Today I was forced to perform surgery on my tacos, scooping soggy blobs of ivory death onto a drink lid just to avoid soaking through the mountain of napkins I had grabbed after paying for my white-washed (cough - 8 dollar) order.
Too many times have I stood in horror as I watch a rushing cascade of cream drown my perfectly curated creation. Lettuce wilts in fear, chicken sinks in despair, and soft corn tortillas struggle to survive such catastrophic flooding.
Nope, no “dollop of daisy” here. Instead I’m stuck with a “wallop of disgusting.”
Don’t get me wrong, there may be a time and a place for ½ a cup of sour cream - like when it’s poured over the world's largest burrito in the Guinness Book of World Records - but plopped down as a garnish on my salad bowl? Hmm… yeah, I’ll pass.
Where is this heinous overcompensation coming from? Are you trying to make up for the fact that you didn’t always have queso? Buck up, my friend, those dark days are long gone.
I know my words may sound a little harsh. So, before you run off crying thinking I’ve broken up with you, I’d like to give you a simple solution.
How will you do it? What’s a SMALL spoon?!?
It sounds crazy, I know. And you don’t want sour cream to feel like it’s getting gipped compared to the other toppings on your menu. But, as we all know, good things come in small packages.
I see you.
I hear you.
I smell you in my clothes after I leave.
We can get through this together.
Mexican Food Fanatic