It’s a brand new year, you guys! And you know what that means? New resolutions. Gotta love ‘em.
One of my resolutions, which I’ve made repeatedly for about 10 years now, is to eat healthier and get in better shape. Crazy right? I’m probably the only one who resolved to do that.
I want to eat less cheese, bread, super sugary fruit, and simple carbs and try to stay in a good calorie range for my size. Less chocolate, less binge-eating guacamole (which is one of my hidden talents) and more vegetables, protein, and leafy greens. Try to cut back on lattes and save alcohol for the weekends. And work out as much as I can.
Anyway, this is a goal I’ve made a bunch of times, but this year it’s a little different. In about 65ish days, my best-friend-twin will be marrying the love of her life, and I am lucky enough to be the Maid of Honor who gets to stand by her side! I am SO excited. I know it’s going to be the most amazing ceremony and celebration for them after a long journey and I can’t wait for that wonderful day to finally get here!
But I also know that being in a wedding means posing for SO. MANY. PHOTOS. And that’s where the resolution comes in.
I love taking pictures! Don't get me wrong. You've seen it. But sometimes they’re not as flattering as you wish or thought they'd be. And as I think about this wedding, it hits me …. I’m not going to get to wear sleeves, so my pasty arms will be on full display. I’m going to continue being as white as a ghost (which is “healthier,” right? No tanning bed’s ya’ll.) And I’m going to be standing in front of all our closest friends and family with all eyes on…THE BRIDE, duh. And then it’s going to be documented in photographs that’ll live on for generations to come.
But, really… no pressure!
So, that said, it’s safe to say I haven’t exactly felt like a 10 on the self esteem scale. Especially after so many holiday treats.
I know I am my own worst critic. I compare myself like nobody’s business and put myself down better than anyone. And since reality has set back in after getting back to Boston, I’ve kind of wallowed in this blah attitude. And I lovingly threw all my complaining onto Todd (I’ve since apologized, don’t worry) and I let myself live in a permanent state of Hanger (hunger induced anger) for a while. Which I’m working on. (Almonds. Lots of almonds.)
And then after a few huffs, puffs, sweet comments from Todd, and the help of some NeedToBreathe, I finally kicked myself out of it. And that’s when I realized how completely unfair I was being! Not to myself, but to God.
Have you ever heard someone you love talk bad about their self? And you’re thinking “Woah, woah, woah. What the heck? You’re awesome and talented and smart and perfect and beautiful and you’re being completely ridiculous. You need to chill.”
I’m pretty sure that’s how God feels about us when we put ourselves down. (minus the ‘what the heck’ part.)
But for him, it’s even more exaggerated because He made us. Like, he actually created us. I know if someone put down something I had made the way I put down myself, my feelings would be hurt hardcore. We’re His creation! A work of art. Down to the detail! And talking down about a work of art like that doesn’t make anyone feel good.
So that’s why I’m modifying my resolution.
Healthy, constructive criticism is needed if you want to become the best version of yourself. So yes, less guacamole. But putting yourself down isn't how that works. So instead of only focusing on eating healthy and exercising more, I’m going to switch my point of view and resolve to respect myself more in general.
I want to focus on getting good sleep, exercising regularly, eating foods that are good for me, enjoying the (metaphorical and literal) sweet aspects of life, doing my devotion regularly, finding a balance between work and social life, and trying to only think positive or self-reflective thoughts about myself and lifestyle.
When it comes down to it, looking and feeling your best starts with putting others first and finding your worth in God’s opinion of you. And that’s what I want to do as a Maid of Honor and what I'm sure will come across in the beautiful pictures that will be captured at Lindy & Sean’s wedding.
It’s a brand new year, you guys! Treat yourself to some chocolate.
(** Full disclosure: I have probably written a post just like this for the past 10 years along with this same resolution. I'm trying, ya'll.)