I am a planner to the core.
I like to figure out my mornings and my evenings. I plan my days, my weeks, and my years. I’m the one that organizes birthday dinners, trips to the mountains, and the one that schedules coffee dates and early breakfasts. I plan phone calls and FaceTime catch-ups, grocery lists and cleaning sprees.
And even though planning is mostly beneficial, it can also hinder and hurt you. When plans don’t go my way, I’m naturally disappointed. When things aren’t in my control, I feel like I’m caught in the waves and I can’t keep my head above water. You’d think I’d have a search and rescue plan for that, but sometimes life’s just too unpredictable. That’s just the nature of it.
Luckily, right now there are very few things that aren’t centered on me. My plans, my way. I am happy, I am blessed, I am lucky, in the truest sense of the word. I am selfish, and I’m told that it’s okay. I’m young and I’m unattached. I don’t have a husband, boyfriend, child or even a dog. I don’t have a bedtime or other mouths to feed. If I want Thai food, I’ll get it. If I want to take a nap, I’ll do it. And that’s pretty freeing.
But there seems to be something nagging me at the back of my mind. After a while I start thinking about what my future looks like. I’m back at it again, planning away. I think about factoring someone else into the picture. How hard that’s going to be. And who, and when, and what. Who will it be, what will they want to do, where will they want to live? And what if they don’t like Thai food?
How will these early twenties years of selfishness impact the many, many, many years all about someone else? With no practice, how do I plan for this?
The simple answer is, you can’t. And that’s true. But I can plan for days when I’ll have to think about them. I can plan on making myself better. I can plan on practicing selflessness. I can plan on being humble. Starting at least at the friendships, and then going from there. I can focus on being Christ-like, and that begins with making room for Him above all else. The Him that created all things. The Him that I owe it all to, all this happiness and luck.
And to be honest, that’s really hard. If I can’t even bother to make time for the creator of the universe, how will I ever make time for someone else? If I cant put that relationship first, how will I learn how to build my relationships in His image?
These are things I’m learning and striving for each day. And it’s such a blessing to me to have friends that are doing the same. I want to be held accountable by them, and one day I want to do that for someone else, and them for me. My sister once said to me, “relationships aren’t meant to make you happy, they’re meant to make you holy.” That’s powerful stuff.
And the truth is, making God happy makes me happy and holy. This reality stares us in the face day after day, and we choose to ignore it. And yet we must wake up and decide to live for Him, again and again and again. And it’s going to be hard. Really hard. But I know it’s going to be worth it.
So I don’t really know where this post is going, that’s actually one thing I didn’t figure out. But, I say we just see where this goes. Sound like a plan?